A Series of Tubes

15 pictures that make absolutely no sense.

2011-01-25T21:21:00.003-05:00

15 pictures that make absolutely no sense.

The title tells it all.

Anti-winter attack ad

2011-01-22T11:30:00.002-05:00

In the spirit of political campaign attack ads, summer has launched a campaign against winter. It's pretty convincing, I mean how could anyone vote for winter after seeing this?

I'm not SURE that winter is a socialist muslin terrorist, but I'm not sure that it isn't either.

Marc Maron, WTF: the podcast of podcasts

2011-01-20T23:40:00.005-05:00

One of the best podcasts out there is WTF, a show about comedians and comedy hosted by Marc Maron. Actually the show is about Marc Maron and his issues, and either you enjoy his neurotic, angry, jealous, addictive, antic, bitter, probing, obsessive, self-loathing persona and love the podcast, or else it totally isn't for you.

The New York Times did a piece on WTF, and Maron will be on Conan next week. WTF just made headlines as director Kevin Smith went off on Bruce Willis on his recent appearance. The podcast is becoming popular and influential, so as Maron starts becoming more famous after decades in the alternative comedy business, people are wondering: will this success ruin Marc Maron? Answer: no, because he's already ruined. At least that's how his comedy persona would respond.

A good description from the NYT piece: "Mr. Maron, a stand-up comic by trade, has cast himself as an unlikely celebrity interviewer — one who is angry, probing, neurotic and a vulnerable recovering addict. And somehow he’s able to elicit from his guests, mostly other comedians like Sarah Silverman and Ben Stiller, the same level of vulnerability."

WTF is available for free on iTunes, and averages about 230,000 downloads a week, meaning that Maron is regularly reaching a lot of people with the conversations he records in his garage-- far more than an alternative comedian could regularly reach.

The must-hear WTF episodes are the ones where Carlos Mencia talks about dealing with the accusations that he is an a-hole who steals material from other comedians, which is the third rail of comedy that must never be touched. Most other comedians hate Mencia, but Maron gives him a fair chance to be himself, and just observes and gently prods as Mencia spins out his own unique version of reality. Must listening.

Twitter Warning

2011-01-20T10:24:00.000-05:00

The Surgeon General's warning on Twitter:

The Year in Pitchfork album reviews

2011-01-19T23:31:00.004-05:00

Here are the albums that Pitchfork reviewed in 2010, organized by their ratings.

Apparently three were 6 perfect albums in 2010, which seems like a lot to me, but what do I know, I am not a pitchfork. Since there were six perfect albums but only only one horrible album last year, it must have been an awesome year in music.

Unemployed crank gets hired to apply for jobs he'll never get

2011-01-19T23:12:00.002-05:00

Unemployed crank Steve Madonna got a bit of internet fame (which is obviously the BEST fame) last year when his profane rant on an employment application got passed around the web. So the brilliant someecards.com site has now hired him to do a regular feature where he rants on job applications. Thanks Steve Madonna (or whatever your real name is) for doing it so we don't have to.

Whisky in cans!

2011-01-19T23:03:00.003-05:00

Whisky comes in cans now! So no reason not to carry it with you to the beach or on a boat or in your coat pocket everywhere you go every day! Now when you fall to the ground in a drunken stupor, you won't shatter your whisky bottle and cut yourself to ribbons.

What a marvelous age we live in!

Worst job interview questions

2011-01-11T15:09:00.004-05:00

"If you were shrunk to the size of a pencil and put in a blender, how would you get out?"
“Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 how weird you are.”
“An apple costs 20 cents, an orange costs 40 cents, and a grapefruit costs 60 cents, how much is a pear?”

Questions like these are how corporate America selects the best and the brightest. No wonder everyone who has a job is so smart, efficient and successful!

Here is a list of the Top 25 Weirdest Job Interview questions.

Hipster dinosaurs

2011-01-06T14:24:00.003-05:00

Everyone loves hipsters.

And everyone loves dinosaurs.

What if dinosaurs were hipsters?

Weird Beards

2011-01-06T14:19:00.004-05:00

Photographer Dave Mead has compiled a fine selection of shots of men with weird beards. Some truly magnificent specimens here.

Detroit or Chernobyl?

2011-01-05T22:55:00.004-05:00

The Guardian has a great photo series on Detroit and its former grandeur, now ruined.

See the photos here.

Photographer Yves Marchand explains: "It seems like Detroit has just been left to die," says Marchand, "Many times we would enter huge art deco buildings with once-beautiful chandeliers, ornate columns and extraordinary frescoes, and everything was crumbling and covered in dust, and the sense that you had entered a lost world was almost overwhelming. In a very real way, Detroit is a lost world – or at least a lost city where the magnificence of its past is everywhere evident."

When did the nuclear bomb go off in Detroit? As Moe the bartender says in the Simpsons, "they're living in Mad Max times up there."

From the article: "This sense of loss is what Marchand and Meffre have captured in image after image, whether of vast downtown vistas where every tower block is boarded-up or ravaged interior landscapes where the baroque stonework, often made from marble imported from Europe, is slowly crumbling and collapsing. The pair have photographed once-grand hotels that were built in a carefree mix of gothic, art deco, Moorish and medieval styles, as well as countless baroque theatres, movie houses and ballrooms – the Vanity, where big band giants such as Duke Ellington and Tommy Dorsey played in the 1930s; the Eastown theatre, where pioneering hard rock groups like Iggy and the Stooges and the MC5 held court in the 1960s."

"The abandoned factories, the eerily vacant schools, the rotting houses, and gutted skyscrapers that Yves Marchand and Romain Meffre chronicle are the artefacts of Detroit's astonishing rise as a global capital of capitalism and its even more extraordinary descent into ruin, a place where the boundaries between the American dream and the American nightmare, between prosperity and poverty, between the permanent and the ephemeral are powerfully and painfully visible. No place epitomises the creative and destructive forces of modernity more than Detroit, past and present."

Henry Horenstein Honkytonk

2011-01-05T22:50:00.004-05:00

Check out Henry Horenstein's cool photos of country music legends.

Banished words

2010-12-31T13:39:00.006-05:00

A self-styled defender of the Queen's English, Lake Superior State College annually releases a list of words to be banished from the English language. Here's this year's list.

Unfortunately, checking their archived lists, it looks like most of the terms and words that have been banished have not actually vanished.

We'll have to see if this list goes viral. If the American people appreciate its wow factor, then soon everyone will man up and be googling it and Facebooking it to their BFFs. But if there is no a-ha moment, then it will be an epic fail, and mama grizzlies will refudiate it. I'm just sayin'.

Obama: Either Doing His Best In One of The Most Difficult Times In American History, Or Hitler

2010-12-29T11:23:00.004-05:00

Is he a president who is doing his best in one of the most difficult times in American history, or is he Hitler?

Which is it? America isn't sure. But is leaning toward the Hitler thing: Obama is literally Hitler.

"He is either a president who passed a comprehensive health care measure despite staunch opposition from powerful private interests, or a radical-Islamist sympathizer bent on systematically dismantling American democracy and eradicating all human liberty. He either lowered taxes for most Americans while failing to communicate that effectively, or he is pure evil. Whichever."

Snowstorm dangerous for nation's idiots

2010-12-29T11:19:00.004-05:00

It snowed in the north in winter, shocking us all and catching everyone off guard.

Snowy Conditions Proving Hazardous For Nation's Idiots

Salad is murder!

2010-12-22T10:33:00.003-05:00

Al Queda is trying to poison salad bars! That would be a really effective tactic if America was a place where people actually eat salad. If they poisoned McDonalds or Dennys, a lot more Americans would be in trouble.

Still, the only safe course of action is to never eat vegetables again.

The Map of Metal

2010-12-20T11:56:00.004-05:00

The Map of Metal will help you navigate the leather and denim waters of heavy metal and its many complicated subgenres. Not clear on the difference between Depressive Black Metal and Blackened Crust? What's the difference between Melodic Death and Deathcore? The Map of Metal will solve these important issues for you.

The best part is that the site plays streaming tunes from whatever flavor of the vast metal spectrum that you choose, from Black Sabbath all the way to Judas Priest to Motorhead and back again.

America's Joyous Future

2010-12-17T21:26:00.001-05:00

Another great Fox News pie chart

2010-12-17T14:50:00.005-05:00

What are 193% of Americans thinking today?

As the above EVIDENCE PROVES, 70% of 193% of Americans Back Palin. Back, Huckabee! Get back Romney, get back to where you once belonged. Literally billions of Americans can't wait to Back Palin. Also, it is 47 degrees everywhere.

What could be fairer or more unbalanced? Mmm, pie!

This all seems completely explicable when you see that science has shown that Fox News viewers are the most uninformed people on earth.

Here are just a few things that Fox News viewers actually believe are true:

Most economists estimate the stimulus caused job losses (12 points more likely)

Most economists have estimated the health care law will worsen the deficit (31 points)

The economy is getting worse (26 points)

Most scientists do not agree that climate change is occurring (30 points)

The stimulus legislation did not include any tax cuts (14 points)

Their own income taxes have gone up (14 points)

The auto bailout only occurred under Obama (13 points)

When TARP came up for a vote most Republicans opposed it (12 points)

And that it is not clear that Obama was born in the United States (31 points)

Guess what, morans, none of that is true. You are wrong about pretty much everything that you yell about on talk radio.

On the other hand, since lots of people like to watch news that tells them what they wish was true instead of what actually is true, foreinger Rupert Murdoch and the Saudi guy who own Fox News just keep get richer and richer from the American morans, and now their taxes will be lower too!

Fox news reports that 120% of scientists agree!

What if old people ran the internet?

2010-12-14T21:29:00.003-05:00

What if old people ran the internet? Wait don't they already?

Old people! They're old.

Best photos from the Oklahoma State Fair

2010-12-06T13:57:00.002-05:00

Which photo best summarizes the whole state fair experience, especially in Oklahoma?

Is it the Rascal scooter couple?

Is it the ten-year-old ready to swill some Coors lite?

Or one of many others?

Ridiculous bootleg DVD covers

2010-12-06T13:35:00.004-05:00

Pop hangover has cover pics from 10 ridiculous bootleg DVD covers.

These are quite helpful and informative covers.

What is this movie about? Simple: PEPE LIKES TACOS.

What do critics say about this film? "You feel yourself trying too hard to make the film work." Sounds terrific! I want to buy many copies of this DVD!

Ads that would never be allowed today

2010-11-22T11:48:00.005-05:00

This website has a gallery of 48 advertisements of the past that would never be allowed today. They're all just too sexist, too racist, too violent, too French, or just plain too weird for today's world.

Not so long ago, companies thought that these ads would give them a positive image and would actually appeal to people. The patient must not vomit! Buy Thorazine today!

America the Banana Republic

2010-11-15T11:06:00.006-05:00

So America's a banana republic now, with 1 in 7 Americans living in poverty and the top 1% ultra-wealthiest taking home 24% of all money, which is only 2 and a half times as much as they got in the 1970s.

But who cares? At least we're not SOCIALIST! Anyway, here's your choice America: slash taxes for the Super-Rich by $61,000 a year, or by a more realistic $370,000 a year.

"The richest 0.1 percent of taxpayers would get a tax cut of $61,000 from President Obama. They would get $370,000 from Republicans, according to the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center. And that provides only a modest economic stimulus, because the rich are less likely to spend their tax savings."

How much of a pile will the billionaires get? This is an important issue, because Wall Street just handed out the most bonuses ever of all time, so the poor workers there need to find out SOON how many new yachts they can buy, only one, like some chump, or 5, which all the cool people will be doing.

So it's no surprise that poor people who can't pay their own bills and are losing money quickly are so willing to fight for a bigger tax cut for the ultra-wealthy. Because taxes are bad and socialist and once I win the lottery, that will be MY rightful tax cut, and I don't want to be stuck with only a mere $61,000 more than I would have now, because taxes are theft.

"C.E.O.’s of the largest American companies earned an average of 42 times as much as the average worker in 1980, but 531 times as much in 2001. Perhaps the most astounding statistic is this: From 1980 to 2005, more than four-fifths of the total increase in American incomes went to the richest 1 percent."

But that math is all boring so who cares? Taxes = bad so cut taxes for everyone. It's just a coincidence that the economy was humming and we had a federal surplus until the taxes for the wealthiest were cut. So what if taxes are already lower than they were under Reagan, much lower than they were under Nixon and incredibly amazingly lower than they were under Eisenhower. All those guys were socialist tax and spenders anyway.

We will get the government and tax structure that we deserve. Unfortunately for 99.9% of Americans.

Another article from the lying lamestream liberal NY Times asks Who Will Stand Up to the Super Rich? We all know the answer: Nobody.
"“How can hedge-fund managers who are pulling down billions sometimes pay a lower tax rate than do their secretaries?” ask the political scientists Jacob S. Hacker (of Yale) and Paul Pierson (University of California, Berkeley) in their deservedly lauded new book, “Winner-Take-All Politics.” If you want to cry real tears about the American dream — as opposed to the self-canonizing tears of John Boehner — read this book and weep. The authors’ answer to that question and others amounts to a devastating indictment of both parties."

Hating the Miami Heat

2010-11-12T19:56:00.001-05:00

What should I do? Should I hate the Miami Heat?

Awesome trick play from middle school football game

2010-11-08T18:38:00.003-05:00

Someone who goes around videotaping middle school football games actually recorded something worthwhile. Just a great play, and convincing acting work from the QB. That kid had to be really confident to sell the play like that, and make it work.

And it did.

RIP Billy Ruane

2010-10-28T18:53:00.002-04:00

Beloved Boston rock fan/impresario Billy Ruane passed away the other day. Of the many tributes to Ruane to be found online, one of the best and most heartfelt comes from local frontman Al Janik, reprinted here by permission:

"they say the day you die your name is written in the clouds
billy ruane died last night ... the sky is gray with clouds and the rain is falling here in boston ...

nothing in the world is any good unless you can share it
i don't think it is possible to describe to folk outside of boston what people like mikey dee and billy ruane meant to the local rock scene here ... everyone has their stories and they will be told ... but the thing these two guys had in spades was a FANatical compulsion to share what they thought was good and fun with everyone they met ...

you're like a leaf that the wind blows from one gutter to another
i had moved here from chicago in the early 80s, got a job in a harvard library, and took my time stumbling into the boston music scene ... eventually, i began to head out to the middle east upstairs once a week or so with my buddies ronnie and dave ... we didn't even care who was playing ... we knew one band would be crap, one band okay, one band fun, and another band revelatory ... and you would never know what order on the bill they would fall ... but it didn't take too long to notice a certain lunatic squealing and whirling and "dancing" and wildly applauding randomly up in front of the stage ... one day, someone took me aside and told me that was billy ruane and he worked at widener library at harvard ... i was never so proud of my "profession" as i was that day ... anyway, as ronnie and i expanded our musical adventures across boston to other clubs, we never ceased to be flabbergasted by the presence of billy ruane wherever we went ... there were nights we would even hit two or three clubs a night to hear certain favorite bands and inevitably bump into billy at each one ... he became the no-doubt-about-it "we ARE in the right place" signal any night out on the town ... and he was never just making the scene ... he WAS the scene ... he WAS what rock and roll was supposed to be--wild and out of control ... sometimes the bands had no idea who the hell he was and why he was jumping around on stage with (or ON!) them ... he was a one man mosh pit before there was such a thing ... sockless with sport jacket sprayed open over a mostly unbuttoned white shirt ... drinks were spilled and stuff was knocked over and all of it was good ... it was billy man, it was cool ...

let's go down to the bar. we can cool off while we try to impress each other
so i had a band called rattle heatre that had a good run in a somerville joint in boston called studleys ... or the kirkland cafe if you will ... or club bohemia if you insist ... anyway, the people that came to hear us seemed to have a great time but most folk did not really ever "get" us or what we were doing ... two major local scenesters did ... mikey dee who even brought us in to WMFO's "On the town" for a live set ... and billy ruane, who called me up and asked if we wanted to open for minneSOHta's the honeydogs at green street ... now neither of these gigs were real BIG time, but they were both FAR more than i ever dreamed of and i'll always be grateful for the breaks ... one more thing ... when these guys believed in something, when they caught something they loved, some times, they understood it even better than the band--billy ruane called me once after hearing one of my first silly polka shows celebrating saint stanislaus day at the kirkland cafe ... it had been one of those bizarre nights of entertainment that joe hernon and mickey bliss let bands like ours and slide get away with on a regular basis at that venue ... billy wanted to book the polka show as a month long residency at the middle east bakery ... now i guess i should not have been surprised since belly dancing was/is a regular feature of that corner ... but i was equally parts astounded to be invited, and scared shitless of performing polkas in the hippest club in town ... i did not bite ... and i was SO wrong to not do so ... since then, my polka show has become an annual event that brings musicians, hipsters, polka fans and children together in a communal celebration that would do billy (AND mikey) proud ... and billy KNEW it was gonna be cool before anyone else (including me!)

"oh, jeff, I don't want to die!"
"neither do i, baby, but if i have to i'm gonna die last"
another thing billy ruane held in common with mikey dee was a love of movies ... the quotes for this reflection are all inspired by a facebook quote from billy lifted from the film "out of the past" ... he (and i) were regulars at film noir mondays at the brattle (in many ways, billy WAS a black and white film if you think about it) ... but while others mumbled their complaints as billy stumbled into the brattle street theatre balcony five minutes after a movie started, i just wanted to whisper "it's billy man, it's cool" ... he hollered comments and hooted loudly at scenes no one else thought hilarious and it never bothered me one bit ... billy was in the house and i KNEW i was no-doubt-about-it-in-the-right-place ...

"that's not the way to win"
"is there a way to win?"
"there's a way to lose more slowly"
and so first mikey dee left us, and now billy ruane exits stage left ... we all wait our own turn and shake our heads sadly in the meantime ... i weep for our loss yet the tears fall harder when i remember the joys of seeing either of them any time any where ... they saw what was good ... they saw what was fun ... and they shared it with everyone they met ... and that sure is a damn good way to lose more slowly ...

that's al folks

Glenn Beck vs. Dinosaur Comics

2010-10-28T16:02:00.004-04:00

Awesome webcomic vs. not-in-any-way-awesome, possibly one of the worst people in the world, crybaby right-wing Fox News pundit: who is better?

Ryan North, the guy who writes the great Dinosaur Comics, has collaborated on a new book of short stories and illustrations about people who find out in advance from a machine how they are going to die. The book sounds cool and it is called "The Machine of Death."

The book debuted at #1 on amazon.com the other day. Which apparently hosed-off the humongous ego of crybaby Beck, who then humorlessly, paranoically and cluelessly used his TV show for morons to attack Machine of Death, and also Keith Richards, for daring to outsell him on his rightful day of being the #1 ranked author for stupid people.

From qwantz.com, the home of Dinosaur Comics:
"The Machine of Death story keeps getting weirder / more awesome. American conservative talky guy Glenn Beck called us out on his show yesterday because it turned out that his book also had its official release date on October 26th, and he was upset that it was in third place to Keith Richard's new autobio "Life" and our little book. He told his listeners that he'd worked on his book for over a year, and that his books always debut at #1, and that we (along with Keith) were part of a left-wing "culture of death" that "celebrates the things that have destroyed us" and that everyone should support life by buying his book instead of ours?
It's basically amazing."

Web Comic: I Was An Olive Garden Host

2010-10-22T22:37:00.005-04:00

Can you make an interesting webcomic about being a host at Olive Garden?

This guy can, and did.

26 short comic strips that capture the despair that comes from jobs like that, but offers a unique point of view and even some insight and humor.

IT IS CAPS LOCK DAY!

2010-10-22T22:24:00.001-04:00

Today is CAPS LOCK DAY! Press CAPS LOCK on your computer keyboard and YELL AT EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET! BECAUSE TODAY IS TODAY!

CAPS LOCK DAY!

Headlines? Schmedlines.

2010-10-21T22:59:00.003-04:00

Schmedlines is a contest. Schmedlines is a site that collects ridiculous tabloid stories. Schmedlines is a site that allows you to mock ridiculous tabloid stories. Schmedlines is a site that allows you to vote for the best mockage of these stories. Schmedlines is many things to many people.

Example: a story about Mark Cuban acting dumb. A reader posts his suggested headline: "Cuban Imbicile Crisis." Other readers vte it the best, and it wins the daily contest.

How many Justin Beibers could you take in a fight?

2010-10-14T15:56:00.001-04:00

1 Beiber = 1.3 Jonas Brothers = 0.7 Hanson brothers

"Rich Whitey" is actually Green

2010-10-14T15:01:00.005-04:00

A typo on the computer ballot in Illinois means that in some districts (including some heavily African-American ones) Green Party gubernatorial candidate Rich Whitney's name will appear as "Rich Whitey."

Weird that while so very many politicians could accurately be labeled "Rich Whitey," the one who actually has his name appear that way on the ballot is in the Green Party, the only party that isn't all about protecting the interests of rich whiteys.

Top 10 signs there's something wrong at Fox News

2010-10-07T20:35:00.005-04:00

Letterman mocks Faux News for picking up a story from the "Weekly World News." LA spent a billion dollars on jetpacks for their cops? Yeah, that could have happened. Those DUMB-ocrats are at it again!

"Number 7: been criticizing Obama for not doing enough to prevent World War I."

Since the Weekly World News has the same amount of credibility as Fox News. So what's the problem?

Everyone hates Iceland?

2010-10-07T15:40:00.003-04:00

Finally, we can see negative national stereotypes expressed cartographically, on the Mapping Stereotypes site.

The maps broadly show what some people in one part of the world think of other people in other places-- handy if you're wondering such things.

Brief Interviews with Great Authors

2010-10-04T11:47:00.004-04:00

The Paris Review has an online archive of 50-something years worth of their interviews with the greatest writers of the 20th and 21st centuries.

The list from the 1950s alone includes interviews with Hemingway, Capote, T.S. Eliot, Faulkner, Ellison, E.M. Forster, Dorothy Parker and James Thurber, among others. The free online archive is a goldmine of insight into modern literature and literary history.

good time-waster of a video

2010-09-29T16:22:00.003-04:00

Watching this video is a good way to kill four minutes.

The template for any science news article

2010-09-29T16:11:00.004-04:00

In the Guardian, Martin Robbins "The Lay Scientist" offers the template that journalists use to write any article about anything scientific.

Keep in mind that this is the British template. In the US version, the article is much shorter, and the headlines much scarier. On some websites, there will be a few paragraphs of political spin added to the template, blaming The Other Side for the problem.

This picture has been optimised by SEO experts to appeal to our key target demographics:

Imagine a Jump

2010-09-27T15:57:00.005-04:00

Imagine David Lee Roth singing "Jump" to John Lennon's piano playing "Imagine."

Imagine it, it's easy if you try:

The mixmaster who produced the mashup is known as Mighty Mike, and in various mashups he's also combined such disparate elements as Madonna with Paul Rodgers and Free, and Rihanna vs. Bjork.
But the champion Bjork remix-mashup is still the Beastie Boys vs. "Army of Me," by Metadonaboy:

But for Beastie Boys mashups, there's always the Intergalactic Safety Dance:

Or the Beasties vs. ELO disco mashup:

Trust me, youtube can go on like this all day!

Teabagger Comix

2010-09-27T14:12:00.006-04:00

What if Teabaggers took over the funny pages, in addition to Fox News, AM radio and tabloid newspapers? Apparently they would become full of shrill, unfunny lies, just like Fox News, AM radio and tabloid newspapers.

In other words, it'd be like if the troll who draws Mallard Fillmore invaded all the other comics to get their made-up WMDs.

Poor little rich babies

2010-09-22T12:51:00.001-04:00

Super rich people are angry and whining.

Boo-hoo, let's pass the hat for them. One in seven Americans is now below the poverty line, there are more poor people in the country than EVER before, but let's all have a pity party for the luckiest people in the history of humanity.

Of course the GOP is battling hard to protect the wealthy. Mitch McConnell announced that people who make more than a quarter million dollars a year are the ones who've been hit hardest by the recession.

Taxes on the wealthy are lower than they were under Reagan and FAR lower than they were in the 1950s under Eisenhower. Far lower taxes, far more poor people, yet it's the millionaires and billionaires who are bitching?

Sarah Palin doesn't hate Muslins enough!

2010-09-16T23:50:00.003-04:00

Check out the Poorly spelled Facebook posts from people ticked off at Sarah Palin for not hating Muslins enough to cheer on the book- burning mustache guy.

Don't retreat, Sarah, RELOAD! Wait, no, these nutjobs are your base. Also they are probably heavily armed. What a dilemma! What would a mama grizzly do? Hibernate till spring, actually.

Cool Material's Facebook throughout History

2010-09-16T18:23:00.003-04:00

From the webiste Cool Material:

It's soda, not pop.

2010-09-09T13:39:00.004-04:00

Weird people in weird places call soda weird names. Like pop, or sodapop, or cokes, or tonic. Interesting how the sodapop map looks very similar to the red state/blue state political map.

The Right-Wing Nutjob Quote-O-Matic

2010-09-07T13:16:00.003-04:00

The title says it all: The Right-Wing Nutjob Quote-O-Matic.

Press the button to see the insanity, the galling hypocrisy, the bald-faced rewriting of history, the non-sequiturs, the Newspeak, and the utter nonsense spewed by right-wing nutjobs-- NOW without having to turn on Fox News to experience it!

A sample:
''This was a war of Obama's choosing. This is not something the United States has actively prosecuted or wanted to engage in.''
—Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele, rewriting history while speaking at a Connecticut fundraiser about the war in Afghanistan, which President Bush launched following the 9/11 terrorist attacks (July 2, 2010)

Who Would Jesus Curse?
''It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other.''
—Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti that destroyed the capital and killed tens of thousands of people, Jan. 13, 2010

Right wingers HATE terroism! The MUSLIN kind anyway:

''My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building.''
—Ann Coulter

Bill Lee: winning pitcher, aged 63

2010-09-07T10:49:00.004-04:00

On Sunday, former Red Sox pitcher Bill "spaceman" Lee pitched for the local minor league team the Brockton Rox, and was the winning pitcher, allowing only 2 runs in 5 1/3 innings.

Lee also batted, but grounded out.

Bill Lee quote from the article: “I think about the cosmic snowball theory. A few million years from now the sun will burn out and lose its gravitational pull. The earth will turn into a giant snowball and be hurled through space. When that happens it won’t matter if I get this guy out.”

Lee has always been entertaining, and maybe the Red Sox should bring him back to pitch a few innings this season, now that they've been basically eliminated from the pennant race. Oh wait, no, major league baseball takes itself way too seriously to ever allow something just for silly fun like that.

Key line from the article: "Afterward, Lee repaired to nearby Mulligan’s bar for a four-hour session of autographs, storytelling and beer drinking."

Latest Technological Advance to Improve Life for Humanity: Deep Fried Beer

2010-09-05T12:18:00.004-04:00

At long last, we have the technology: we can deep-fry beer! Why waste all that time eating french fries AND beer when you can have them BOTH at the same time?

We truly live in a golden age of technology.

Extreme Sheep-Herding (or Shepherding?)

2010-09-03T15:20:00.002-04:00

Who says there's noting to do in sheep country in rural Wales? You can spend hours teaching your sheep to play become LED "fireworks," play Pong, or impersonate the Mona Lisa.
Like these guys did:

Great news for drunks!

2010-09-01T12:58:00.006-04:00

In heaven there is no beer, that's why we drink it here.

Heavy drinkers live longer than teetotalers.

And moderate drinkers live the longest of any group.

21 alcoholic drinks per week is moderate drinking, not heavy drinking.

Those are figures.

As Foghorn Leghorn said, you can argue with me, but you can't argue with figures!

Beatles 3000

2010-08-31T14:47:00.003-04:00

How will history look at the Beatles 1,000 years from now? They'll probably get some of the details wrong, and conflate some other people and events from around the same point in history.

The video is similar to many PBS science/history documentaries, where scientists make educated guesses to "explain" what probably happened thousands of years ago. I think they even use the smae music as Nova.

Interestingly, 1,000 years from now, people will still be wearing the same exact styles of clothes and haircuts as they do now. And will still be producing the same kinds of TV documentaries.

Glenn Beck's Restoring Horror

2010-08-31T09:44:00.005-04:00

TOUCHDOWN JESUS!

Wonkette has some hilarious coverage of Glenn Beck's Jesus Is Taking Over America Festival from this past weekend.

Wonkette even spotted Courtney Love's grandma doing TV interviews there:

Too bad for the Teabaggers that celebrity-for-no-reason Somebody Hilton got busted with cocaine this weekend, completely overshadowing their attempt to install an American theocracy. The kind of people they need to win over care way more about celebrity news than they do about Weepy McDemagogue's attempt to keep rewriting history by co-opting MLK.

At least he and Sarah Paylin got to really rile up their dimwitted supporters and got a nice payday out of it. Remember, the brown people have STOLEN America and to get it back we have to all buy gold from our hero Glenn Beck.

Christopher Hitchens has a really interesting take on the whole Beck Blubberfest, pointing out the whole pathetic self-pity that's at the heart of the Teabaggers.

A key quote: "In a rather curious and confused way, some white people are starting almost to think like a minority, even like a persecuted one. What does it take to believe that Christianity is an endangered religion in America or that the name of Jesus is insufficiently spoken or appreciated? Who wakes up believing that there is no appreciation for our veterans and our armed forces and that without a noisy speech from Sarah Palin, their sacrifice would be scorned? It's not unfair to say that such grievances are purely and simply imaginary, which in turn leads one to ask what the real ones can be. The clue, surely, is furnished by the remainder of the speeches, which deny racial feeling so monotonously and vehemently as to draw attention."

300 songs: David Lowery's songwriting history

2010-08-30T20:48:00.004-04:00

One of the greatest and most unappreciated American rock songwriters of the last 25 years has started a blog to talk about his music. David Lowery of Camper Van Beethoven and Cracker has started writing a little article about every song he's written in his career.

Very interesting if you're a fan, and possibly a good introduction if you don't know his stuff.

Elephants on acid, electrified corpses, insane Soviet scientists

2010-08-26T17:01:00.006-04:00

The website Museum of Hoaxes offers the 20 most bizarre scientific experiments of all time-- and despite the website's name, these are real. Giving LSD to elephants, surgically creating a two-headed dog, coercing human subjects to deliver lethal electric shocks, electrified corpses, and much more in this catalog of cruelty and weirdness.

Only 20% of Americans are utter morons!

2010-08-24T14:46:00.004-04:00

The Stupidest Things One in Five Americans Believe. Who cares if we're ignorant, we're all probably going to eventually win the lottery!

Proof that money is an accurate barometer of personal worth

2010-08-23T22:55:00.003-04:00

11 famous people who will earn less money this year than "the Situation."

Horrible music takes on Muslin terrorists

2010-08-20T23:32:00.006-04:00

The latest horrible political song to try to cash in on the latest controversy:

Nothing goes with photos of wounded and frightened terror victims better than jaunty mid-tempo contemporary "country" music. The tune's basically stolen from the Georgia Satellites' "Keep Your Hands to Yourself." You hear that Muslins? No huggy, no kissy!

Interesting point from the Wonkette comment section: "There is a Mosque in the Pentagon. It was approved soon after 9/11. I assume by Donald Rumsfeld. Get over it, bitches."

The post-911 mosque at the Pentagon. There was no controversy when it was put in, because right-wing politicos hadn't yet realized that they could push everyone's buttons by demagogue-ing the hell out of this non-issue. Was Karl Rove on vacation that week? Oh no, that's right, he was too busy trying to find excuses to invade Iraq.

Roger's sticking to it

2010-08-20T23:06:00.001-04:00

Re-photography

2010-08-20T22:54:00.002-04:00

Russian photographer Sergey Larenkov specializes in melding images of the past with those of the present, often generating fascinating collisions that produce something beyond the actual reality of the subject.

Fake Science, now more popular than ever

2010-08-20T12:31:00.002-04:00

The Fake Science blog presents ridiculously false, bad science that is easy to understand and makes sense in its simplicity. Isn't that what science is all about? Who needs "elites" making everyone feel dumb with their complicated jargon and weird ideas? If freon makes things cool, then drinking it should help YOU keep cool. It makes sense, doesn't it? In your face, elites!

OUTRAGE OVER PLANNED BUILDING NEXT TO DISASTER

2010-08-19T21:21:00.004-04:00

There is OUTRAGE over the plan to build a new building near the well known nightmarish American disaster Sarah Palin.

Key quote: "Would these library lovers allow me to set up a stall next to the Smithsonian Museum and start selling DVDs of bible cartoons as long as it was in accordance with local regulations?

"Oh they would? I see."

It's the day before Saturday the 14th!

2010-08-13T12:31:00.006-04:00

Since it's the only Friday the 13th of the year, check out the Weirdest Friday the 13th Superstitions.

Do you have Paraskevidekatriaphobia? Why does no one live on the 13th floor at 1313 13th street?

If Door Does Not Open, Do Not Enter

2010-08-13T12:27:00.003-04:00

Doug Lansky at the Huffington Post has a funny photo collection of the 8 Most Insanely Obvious Signs in the World.
Like this one:

Slogans of Cheap Beers

2010-08-13T12:06:00.004-04:00

Mental Floss has some fun quizzes, where the object is more to be entertained, amused and educated, rather than to try to get the perfect score. Here's a good one: Slogans of Cheap Beers.

Some other fun Mental Floss quizzes:
Discontinued Ben & Jerry's Flavor, or Band I Found on Myspace?

Troy McLure Film, or Actual Terrible Movie?

Scooby Doo Episode Plot, or Actual News Story?

Irate airline quitting guy, the reenactment

2010-08-11T21:20:00.002-04:00

In case you just couldn't visualize how that flight attendant famously got angry and quit his job, here is an animated depiction, in Taiwanese.

That should clear things up!

RIP Senator Ted Stevens.

2010-08-10T14:16:00.003-04:00

Senator Ted is Dead. His old guy inability to understand the internet inspired the name of this blog, so here's to you, dead Ted. He's probably in some sort of series of tubes in the sky (or below) now himself.

Jane Austen's Fight Club

2010-08-06T11:15:00.002-04:00

The first rule of Jane Austen's Fight Club: one does not mention Fight Club.

Baseball players in short pants?

2010-08-05T19:38:00.002-04:00

It's hot out, too hot for long pants.

The Chicago White Sox wore shorts as part of their hideous uniforms a few times in 1976. It seems totally bizarre now, but as this excellent, detailed article about it explains, at the time... it seemed totally bizarre as well.

Read the article and discover who was the only player in major league history to hit a home run while wearing shorts, and the only Hall-of-Famer to ever play a game in shorts.

The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

2010-08-04T13:43:00.003-04:00

Finally, someone has named all those random feelings that didn't have names. The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows is there to help you name that unnamable disappointment, sadness or weirdness that you are feeling.

Like snopes trial: the disappointment upon learning that yet another basic historical image is just an urban legend—- Vikings’ horns, Napoleon’s shortness, Washington’s cherry tree, Columbus’s flat earth—- which raises suspicion that we are being hazed by the dead, who celebrate becoming alumni of life by paddling us with grand sweeps of history.

Or laughtershock: an embarrassing memory from middle school that slips back into your head from out of nowhere.

Crap at my parents house

2010-08-03T14:10:00.002-04:00

Is there a lot of weird crap at your parents' house? Then you might empathize with the folks who run the website Crap at my Parents House.

Odd figurines, religious artifacts, dozens and dozens of Raggedy Ann dolls-- these and more can be found in parents' houses.

Famous Literary Drunks and Addicts

2010-08-03T12:57:00.003-04:00

Life.com has a photo series of famous literary drunks and addicts. Baudelaire, Dorothy Parker, Hemingway, lots of famed souses make the list.

Alternativereel.com has a similar, shorter list of the Top Ten Drunk American Writers.

A lot of colorful people love alcohol, and can communicate that love effectively, like #10 Raymond Chandler: “Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.”

Justin Beiber's Swagger Coach

2010-08-02T22:57:00.003-04:00

Apparently this teenage girl pop idol is named Justin Beiber for some reason. And she has a paid "swagger coach" to teach her all the important swaggery things a teenage pop idol needs to know. And the "swagger coach" is writing a book, for some reason.

This just seems weird and dumb for some reason. I wish I didn't know the little bit I do know about it.

Betty Draper's Guide to Parenting

2010-07-30T15:09:00.005-04:00

Mad Men is back for season 4, and in addition to all the drinking and smoking, we get to see how parenting was a little different back in the 1960's. Betty Draper illustrates how to be a 60's mom who is completely uninterested in the children's self-esteem.

Here are some key links to "Mad Men" coverage, reviews and discussion on the web:

Alan Sepinwall's TV reviews.

Sepinwall interviews Matthew Weiner about the upcoming season.

Television Without Pity's episode recaps.

Tim Goodman's TV reviews.

Slate magazine Mad Men discussion.

Tennesee's Next Governor

2010-07-30T13:40:00.004-04:00

Basil Marceaux seems like a strong candidate for governor. If you want to sell grass for gas, then he's your man!

This video is subtitled so you won't miss any of Basil's fascinating proposals for Tennessee's future:

Basil's almost surely fake website clarifies his stance on a lot of important issues.

He writes:

WHAT IMPORTANT:
1.Education
a. School violents
b. Add reading of the minutes to the U.S.Congress mandatory
c. Get more of the lottery money to 1-12

2.Equal Health care
a. a free gift program
b. take a look at and redo all mandtory insurance programs
c. See why dental is not in most plans a tooth aches hurt more than a back aches and no teeths depresses people

3.Citzens Safety+Citizens Constitution Rights

4.Improving Our Environment

5.Budget

6.Open doors more for Tn.food manufactures

7.My plan will give the state free gas for all governmental cars and trucks

8.Make the U.S. Flag in all state buildings and court fly right. if you fly a U.S.Flag you will fly it right."

It's clear: either you're with Basil or you're with the terrorists. The fact is, a tooth aches hurt more than a back aches and no teeths depresses people. You can't argue against that.

Toys to prepare your child for a lifetime of menial labor

2010-07-29T15:42:00.005-04:00

Here's a preview of the rest of your life, kid. Get ready for decades of flipping burgers.

Keep those expectations low enough and you'll never be disappointed, junior!

And while you're perusing the surprisingly funny Cracked website for children's toys, don't forget to give the kids some of the Most Outrageously Unintentionally Perverted Toys ever.

What parent doesn't want to give their child a depressing or disturbing toy? Might as well get them used to real life at an early age, right?

Pirates Knocked Up Shrek

2010-07-28T14:23:00.002-04:00

Movie marquee silliness.

Greatest goal celebration of all time

2010-07-27T14:46:00.001-04:00

Icelandic soccer team fishes for glory.

Brew Dog: End of History (of beer)

2010-07-23T14:49:00.002-04:00

Scotsmen who like to dress up in animal costumes claim to have brewed the world's strongest beer, and it's poured out of a (hopefully) taxidermied dead forest creature.

The End of History from BrewDog on Vimeo.

50% alcohol.

Mad Mel

2010-07-21T22:50:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately burned-out signs

2010-07-20T15:06:00.003-04:00

Buzzfeed has a photo collection of Unfortunately Burned Out Signs.

Unfortunate for who?

Sports = gay?

2010-07-20T09:58:00.003-04:00

The Huffington Post has selected The Most Homoerotic Sports photos ever.

Not that there's anything wrong with it!

That Jeter and Arod shot will be appearing on T-shirts all over Boston soon.

Iceland's Best Party = the best political party

2010-07-19T23:13:00.003-04:00

This month's Harper's magazine has a translation of the platform of Iceland's Best Party, the satirical protest group that surprisingly won 34% of the vote in the spring elections, giving the mayorship of Reykjavik to comedian Jon Gnarr.

Highlights:

"Our policies are the best policies.

Establish equality. Everyone deserves the best, regardless of who they are and where they come from. We will do our best for everyone so that everyone can be together on the best team.

Stop corruption. We promise to stop corruption. We’ll accomplish this by participating in it openly.

Improve the lot of those who are less able to help themselves. We want the best of everything for this bunch and therefore offer free access to buses and swimming pools so you can travel around Reykjavík and be clean even if you’re poor or there’s something wrong with you.

Free bus service for students and cripples. We can offer more free things than any other party because we aren’t going to follow through with it. We could say whatever we want—for example, free flights for women or free cars for people who live in rural areas. It’s all the same.

Free dental care for children and cripples. This is something that is lacking, and we definitely want to take part in promising it.

Free access to swimming pools for everyone and free towels. This is something that everyone should fall for, and it’s the election promise we’re most proud of.

Listen more to women and old people. This bunch gets listened to far too little. It’s as if everyone thinks they are just complaining or something. We’re going to change that.

make those who are responsible for the economic collapse answer the charges. Felt we had to include this."

Now that's a political party that sounds like the best! Who wouldn't support those policies? Even if they admittedly don't mean them, they should still win, because they are the best.

Gathering of the juggalos infomercial

2010-07-19T19:34:00.001-04:00

This is probably the only festival ever that offers both seminars AND wrestling. Also "comradery."

Working poor? Get used to it.

2010-07-19T14:33:00.003-04:00

Robert Reich explains why even people who still have jobs have less money.

Key paragraph on how this affects politics and everything in our culture:

"What we get from widening inequality is not only a more fragile economy but also an angrier politics. When virtually all the gains from growth go to a small minority at the top-- and the broad middle class can no longer pretend it's richer than it is by using homes as collateral for deepening indebtedness-- the result is deep-seated anxiety and frustration. This is an open invitation to demagogues who misconnect the dots and direct the anger toward immigrants, the poor, foreign nations, big government, "socialists," "intellectual elites," or even big business and Wall Street. The major fault line in American politics is no longer between Democrats and Republicans, liberals and conservatives, but between the "establishment" and an increasingly mad-as-hell populace determined to "take back America" from it."

The greatest sarcastic tribute in soccer history?

2010-07-16T21:45:00.005-04:00

Simon Burnton in the Guardian wrote a classic sarcastic "tribute" to English footballer Emile Heskey, on the occasion of Heskey's retirement from England's national team.

Clearly, you never want to use Burnton as a job reference or select him to make a best man's toast. Well everyone else would enjoy either of those.

"So farewell then, Emile Heskey, England international. We have seen the last of your lumbering runs, felt for the last time that bizarre combination of exhilaration and resignation which comes when you thunder clear on goal. We will wonder no more what the manager's thinking when you start loitering with intent near the fourth official in the 68th minute, and never again hear the words "yes but his link play is world class" in heated post-match discussions down the pub that always draw in one bloke you've never met before who was walking past on his way to the bog and couldn't help overhearing.

Consider yourself free, Emile. Free from the burden of our expectation. Free from long summers spent toiling through (the early stages of) major tournaments when every other footballer of your ability is quite rightly and deservedly enjoying a nice holiday. Free to resume a far more relaxing life on Aston Villa's bench, blissfully protected from rain, snow and our attention.

We will recall with fondness the great 5-1 victory over Germany in 2001, in which you combined so well with Michael Owen and scored your third goal for your country, in only your 17th game. Who would have thought on that balmy night in Munich that 45 subsequent appearances over 10 years would bring just four more, against Denmark, South Africa, Slovakia and Kazakhstan?

Who could have imagined back then, as you terrorised opponents with your bulk, your youthful vigour and your habit of falling over with almost virtuosic ease, that all but two of your seven international goals would come in three- or four-goal victories, that you would muster only two decisive strikes in your entire international England career and that those would come in friendlies against South Africa and Malta?

But it wasn't about the goals with you, Emile. It never was. It was about all the work you put in off the ball. The work television cameras, obsessed as they are with following the ball, completely missed and which - as a result - all but a handful of us have not only already forgotten but never actually knew about in the first place. The kind of shift that made Tony Cottee, your partner in those glorious early days at Leicester, call you "the dream guy to play with". And in many ways you were, Emile. The kind of guy who always managed to make the players around you look good, both intentionally and otherwise.

"I have enjoyed every moment of my England career," Heskey said as he announced his international retirement today. And haven't we all? Don't answer that question."

Kidnapper note generator

2010-07-16T21:31:00.003-04:00

Now you can generate your own ransom notes on the interweb. Isn't that the best thing ever? It should save kidnappers hours of magazine clipping time.

All your ridiculous demands will now be catered to.

George Steinbrenner is still dead

2010-07-13T22:45:00.004-04:00

The Yankees' YES network today showed a retrospective of recently deceased blowhard George Steinbrenner which included this shot of George proving he's not prophetic:

To make this tragedy even more entertaining, Rush Limbaugh spewed his usual horrible commentary, making even Steinbrenner somehow look decent in comparison.

Hollywood a-holes face off

2010-07-13T22:34:00.003-04:00

What if Christian Bale and Mel Gibson obscenely spazzed out at each other, instead of at their significant others or co-workers? For one thing, it would be much funnier. Also, each celebrity would finally be spoken to as he deserves. Karma, etc.

Warning: many f-bombs in this video:

Signs, signs, everywhere a sign

2010-07-09T13:14:00.005-04:00

The site 11points.com has a nice offering of dumb signs. I particularly like the convoluted one pictured above.

The same site also lists 11 Gorgeously Ironic Misspellings on Protester's signs.

To summarize: Fox News has infromed you that its your duty to respect are country, it's boarders and it's offical lanaguage by speaking English. Also, Obama is a Socialest, not a mavrick. It's about competnce, no excetions. No amensty, nor amnety, nor amesty. We're extremey overtaxed, and our stundents need to learn arithetic.

New verses of "Star Spangled Banner" discovered

2010-07-08T19:30:00.003-04:00

According to this website, Francis Scott Key's original manuscript of the national anthem has been discovered and restored, and several new verses to the song have been found. Can' wait to hear stadium crowds belt out these inspiring words.

Restoration Of 'Star Spangled Banner' Uncovers Horrifying New Verses

USA! USA!

Sad letter from a kid at camp

2010-07-07T22:13:00.003-04:00

Camp is no fun with a P-nus rash. And when the other kids razz you for saying "eggs."

Mad skillz on the mic

2010-07-06T14:23:00.003-04:00

The shiny-white-tuxedoed gentleman with the weird earpiece hands the mic over to the muscle-bound confused guy.

"Was a hell of a finish. Koko Samoa, one of the bestest energetic men in the ring I've ever seen in the ring today. The belts are on the line, what can I say, he's got one fall going for him.
We may see the belts change hands here tonight. I really feel that me and my new partner here, what we've got going here we feel is one of the best combinations of tag teams I've ever been involved with.

I feel this my partner here is one of the fastest men, one of the most agile, energetic individuals I've ever been teamed with. Now me and Brady are going to be going after the belts. Pendleton. Washington. We got the title on the line, the belts are on the line all week. We got Pendleton. We got Yakima. We're going after the Klan. We're going after Buddha Dean, we're going after Mike Miller. We almost had 'em here tonight. The Klan, Mike, the Klan jumped in there-- they just blindsided us right from behind. It's not gonna happen. By the time the week's over we plan to have those belts right around our waists. Tell 'em Ricky."

Don't worry cement-head, Beardo's got this. You just lurk in the background and rub your forehead in confusion. He'll grab a towel and handle the low-key, confused rambling from here on.

"That's right, skip. The same goes for over here. I couldn't have a better man in my corner. He's big, he's powerful. That's exactly what someone like me needs to compliment myself. Let me tell ya there's a few things I don't understand, and one of 'em's Rip Oliver can bring someone in like Buddha Dean, a flag-wavin'! Flag wavin' commie. Foreigner!

And have the belt! I-- it doesn't make sense to me. Mike Miller you're no better, you support him. The only thing American about you is your name. And they make beer! Let me tell ya, Miller, Buddha Dean, Rip Oliver, we've been beaten. The pants off ya, all over the Pacific Northwest. Everywhere we go we've been puttin' your shoulders down 1-2-3. And when you do happen to maybe come out on a fall, it's from cheatin'. Well let me tell ya, whether it be Pendleton, Yakima, White Swan, Medford, Salem, right back in Eugene, and right here Saturday, we're gonna get ya!"

"All right, thanks very much gentlemen." (You'll never be on camera again.)

"All right, like i said Don, by the end of the week, me and this man here are gonna have those belts, whatever the other one is, we're gonna have 'em!"

"Okay." Intense handshakes.

RIP Bob Probert

2010-07-06T14:12:00.001-04:00

The t-shirt he used to wear under his jersey said it all: "Give Blood, Fight Probert."

Yankee fan on cellphone gets hit in the face

2010-06-30T16:04:00.001-04:00

A baseball gets to do what so many have long dreamed of doing: hit a Yankee fan blabbing on a cellphone right in the face.

Steve Martin's tour rider

2010-06-25T17:03:00.002-04:00

Tour riders are lists of requirements that musicians have for playing a gig. Van Halen and the M&Ms, right?

Steve Martin is going on a tour with his banjo and a backing band, and his tour rider is doubtlessly more entertaining than the actual show will be.

Best live blog ever?

2010-06-25T13:17:00.004-04:00

Xan Brooks of The Guardian's live blog of the marathon Isner-Mahut tennis match at Wimbeldon is fantastic; hilarious, colorful, amazingly well-written on an instant deadline.

As the players battled on and on, Brooks wrote for 11 hours straight. How many ways can you find to describe one player's serve blasting past the other? Many funny ones, as it turns out.

At 4:05 PM, he wrote "The Isner-Mahut battle is a bizarre mix of the gripping and the deadly dull. It's tennis's equivalent of Waiting For Godot, in which two lowly journeymen comedians are forced to remain on an outside court until hell freezes over and the sun falls from the sky. Isner and Mahut are dying a thousand deaths out there on Court 18 and yet nobody cares, because they're watching the football. So the players stand out on their baseline and belt aces past each-other in a fifth set that has already crawled past two hours. They are now tied at 18-games apiece.

On and on they go. Soon they will sprout beards and their hair will grow down their backs, and their tennis whites will yellow and then rot off their bodies. And still they will stand out there on Court 18, belting aces and listening as the umpire calls the score. Finally, I suppose, one of them will die."

Four hours later, he's still writing away: ""John!" chants the crowd. "John! John! John!" They're either calling for Isner or calling for a bathroom break, or possibly both. I'm still not convinced they want Isner to win any more than they want Mahut to win. They just want someone to win; anyone to win. They just long to be released and to go back home. Possibly via the bathroom.

They are chanting "John!" because Isner gets to 0-30 on Mahut's serve and is therefore just two points from victory. Chant all you like, it won't change a thing. Mahut fights back and the score is tied again, at 54 games apiece."

After taking a day off, Brooks was back today, live blogging Wimbeldon for another 6 hours. That slacker Mahut hasn't played since Thursday and won't for a week at least, and Isner only played three quick sets today and now will rest up for a while as well. But Xan Brooks keeps on churning out the coverage.

What is your Brazilian soccer player name?

2010-06-25T11:50:00.005-04:00

The World Cup is vuvuzelaing loudly everywhere on earth, and Brazil is of course one of the favorites. So it's a good time to consider the important question of what would be your name if you were a Brazilian soccer player?

According to the Brazil Name generator, Barack Obama would be Obamiano.
For some reason, NBA first draft pick John Wall would be called Winhosa. Dustin Pedroia would be called Pedroiisca. Going through the list of the most popular searches on the internet:
Kim Kardashian would be called Kisco.
Kellie Pickler would be Kelliisco.
Jennifer Aniston would be Anistao.
Lady Gaga would be called Lando.
Miley Cyrus would be called Milildo.
Stanley McChrystal would be Stanlao.

If Brazilian soccer legend Edison Arantes, also known as Pele, were a Brazilian soccer player, his name would be Edisa. Wait, no, I think something's wrong there. Anyway, it's still fun to be Brazilian.

Affluence

2010-06-25T09:38:00.002-04:00

Latest headline news about the super rich.

Everyone else is lazy and on the internet all day!

2010-06-22T00:19:00.001-04:00

Insane Miracles

2010-06-19T15:07:00.004-04:00

This video went "viral" months ago, but I never bothered to watch it, not being a juggalo and all. But it is undeniably awesome.

I am not sure what I like best, that Insane Clown posse are fathers ("yeah, my dad is Violent J from ICP.") Or maybe the totally random swearing they bust out in the middle of this song about things they find wondrous. Or the bit they throw in there about a pelican stealing a cell phone in San Francisco. Or the miraculous way that fucking magnets work. Or that Insane Clown Posse flies off in their own spaceship at the end.

They are all miracles. Motherfuckin miracles.

Here's the SNL parody of the video:

And don't miss the Juggalo News Network for all the latest news, from a Juggalo point of view. Slogan: Unfair and Unbalanced.

The Wire meets Toy Story

2010-06-18T17:22:00.001-04:00

Well done mashup of The Wire and the animated film Toy Story.